Confidence Isn't Something You're Born With

One of the most common things I hear from students and young professionals is, "I wish I had more confidence."

Sometimes they are talking about speaking up in meetings or seminars. Sometimes they are worried about interviews, presentations or meeting new people. At other times, the lack of confidence runs much deeper and influences the way they see themselves, the opportunities they pursue and the decisions they make about their future.

What has always struck me is that people often talk about confidence as though it is something other people simply have. They look around at classmates, colleagues or professionals they admire and assume that those individuals were somehow born with a level of self-belief that they themselves lack.

Over the years, I have come to believe that this is one of the biggest misconceptions we have about confidence.

In my experience, confidence is rarely something we are born with. More often, it is something that develops gradually through experience, reflection and a willingness to keep moving forward, even when we are unsure of ourselves.

Confidence and Competence Are Not the Same Thing

One of the first things I learned as my career progressed was that confidence and competence do not always develop at the same pace.

I have worked alongside incredibly capable people who consistently underestimated themselves. They were knowledgeable, hardworking and highly respected by those around them, yet they hesitated to contribute ideas, doubted whether they deserved new opportunities and often assumed that other people knew more than they did.

At the same time, I have met individuals who appeared outwardly confident but were experiencing many of the same doubts internally. The difference was not necessarily that they believed they were more capable. Rather, they had become more comfortable with the idea that uncertainty did not have to stop them from trying.

This was an important lesson for me because I realised that confidence is not the absence of self-doubt. It is learning how to move forward despite it.

My Own Journey with Confidence

If someone had met me earlier in my career, I do not think they would have described me as particularly confident.

Like many people from socially disadvantaged backgrounds, I often felt as though I was trying to navigate environments where everybody else seemed to know the rules. I did not grow up surrounded by professional networks, and there were many situations where I questioned whether I truly belonged.

As a woman of colour working in STEM, there were also times when I found myself looking around a room and wondering whether people would take me seriously. Those moments can quietly influence the way you see yourself, particularly when you are still developing your professional identity.

Looking back now, I realise that confidence did not suddenly appear one day. It developed slowly, often without me even noticing. Every difficult conversation, every presentation, every new responsibility and every opportunity that pushed me outside my comfort zone contributed something to the person I eventually became.

At the time, many of those experiences felt uncomfortable. However, it is only with hindsight that I can see how important they were in helping me develop confidence that was grounded in experience rather than certainty.

Waiting to Feel Ready

One of the biggest traps I see young people fall into is believing that they need to feel confident before they take the next opportunity.

They postpone applying for a role because they do not feel ready. They decide not to ask a question because they worry it might sound silly. They avoid putting themselves forward because they assume somebody else is more qualified or more capable.

The difficulty with this approach is that confidence rarely arrives before we act.

More often, confidence grows because we acted despite feeling uncertain.

I sometimes think we imagine confidence as the starting point, when in reality it is often the result of taking small, manageable steps that gradually expand what we believe ourselves capable of achieving.

This is one of the reasons I encourage young people to think less about becoming confident overnight and more about becoming willing to try something that feels just slightly outside their comfort zone. Those small moments of courage accumulate over time, often in ways that are difficult to appreciate while they are happening.

Confidence Comes from Keeping Promises to Yourself

Another lesson I have learned is that confidence is built through consistency rather than perfection.

We often associate confidence with large achievements, yet many of the foundations are established through much smaller moments. Choosing to prepare well for an interview, following through on a commitment you made to yourself, asking for help when you need it or trying again after something did not go as planned are all examples of actions that quietly reinforce the belief that you can rely on yourself.

Over time, these experiences begin to shape your self-belief. You start to recognise that you have overcome challenges before, adapted to unfamiliar situations and continued moving forward even when things did not unfold exactly as you had hoped.

That evidence becomes far more powerful than simply trying to convince yourself to "be confident."

Stop Comparing Your Beginning to Someone Else's Middle

Confidence can also be undermined by comparison.

It is easy to assume that other people have always been articulate, self-assured or comfortable in professional environments. We rarely see the years of experience that sit behind what now appears effortless.

The confident speaker giving a presentation may have spent years developing those skills. The manager leading a team was once navigating their first day in a new role. The researcher confidently presenting their work almost certainly remembers what it felt like to stand in front of an audience for the very first time.

When we compare ourselves to people who are simply further along their journey, we overlook the process that allowed them to develop those abilities.

A much fairer comparison is to ask whether you are more confident than you were six months ago, or whether you are willing to do something today that you would have avoided a year ago. Those are often much more meaningful indicators of growth.

Confidence Looks Different for Everyone

I also think it is important to recognise that confidence does not always look the way we expect it to.

Some people express confidence by speaking confidently in front of large audiences. Others demonstrate it by quietly standing by their values, making thoughtful decisions or having the courage to change direction when something no longer feels right.

There is no single personality type that owns confidence.

You do not need to be the loudest person in the room.

You do not need to have all the answers.

You do not need to appear fearless.

Often, confidence is simply trusting yourself enough to take the next step, even when you cannot see the entire path ahead.

Final Thoughts

If there is one thing I hope you take away from this reflection, it is that confidence is not a personality trait that some people are lucky enough to possess while others are not.

It is something that develops through experience, through learning, through setbacks and through continuing to show up for yourself, even when things feel uncertain.

You do not become confident because you stop feeling nervous. You become confident because you gradually collect evidence that you are capable of handling situations that once felt impossible.

Perhaps that is why confidence is better thought of as a journey than a destination. It is not something you either have or you do not have. It grows alongside you, shaped by every challenge you face, every opportunity you embrace and every decision you make to keep moving forward.

Looking back, I do not think confidence changed my life overnight. Rather, it was the accumulation of many small moments, many uncomfortable conversations and many opportunities to learn that slowly transformed the way I saw myself. That gives me hope because it means confidence is not reserved for a fortunate few. It is something that every one of us can build, one step at a time.